New Priorities

This last week has been nuts. We are still trying to get the hang of this so called new normal. We have been going to diabetes classes offered by the hospital. They talk about pretty much the same thing but each time I go I learn something new.

I have been pretty bitter about our situation I try not to but I am. We are figuring out insulin and prescriptions and money just trying to make sure it's all done right because diabetes really isn't something you should be messing up on.

The last class we went to there was a sweet couple that their daughter was diagnosed the day after ours was. She is 2. 2! It's so hard not to be mad about that. It's all so unfair.
Her dad took her into the hall to let her play and I had to take the baby out. We started talking and I told him Miss M was 4. He looks at me and said it isn't fair they are just to young. My heart just broke for him because I knew exactly what he was feeling.

All weekend I've been thinking about this. There is a sweet girl here in Utah that is 5 they caught the diabetes to late and she had seizures and is really struggling right now. My husband and I were talking and I told him I just hate all this. And he said you know what? Here we are so sad about all of this (which is ok) where there are so many families that would give anything to just have diabetes and not all the complications that can happen with it. They would probably give anything to have them home. I have not been able to stop thinking about what he had said. He is right....
Here I am so sad watching my baby go through this. Every time she says mom I hate diabetes I just want to cry. The thing of it is is that it isn't going a way that's all there is to it.
I've started to think about the last month and how everything has changed. All of a sudden I realized how much my priorities have changed, how much I've changed.

I am one who tends to get offended pretty easily.....not any more. I have so much more to think about then who said what to who or so on. Or who likes me and who doesn't.

I used to be someone who tried to do it all, who never said no to any one. Not any more. I have to say no. When I am overwhelmed I can't in any way put my children on the back burner to help other people. If I am distracted that means I can't pay close attention to what needs my attention first and for most. Of course I still help people but I am trying so hard not to spread myself to thin.

I use to stress over the ways of the world. The problems and changes that are happening in the news. I mean I would stress my self sick over things I had absolutely no say in or any connection to. Now I am learning to just say SO WHAT. I can't change anything all I can do is stand up for what I believe in no matter what.
I guess in a what I have more important things to worry about now a days.

Now don't get me wrong. I am still an adult and I do focus on other things I have just decided to prioritize them a little differently.

I have started enjoying other things that I never did before.
I love watching her play in the sand box or drag the dogs around.
I love hearing her sing to her baby brother.
I love walking into their room he is in the crib she is in her bed and they are both snoring up a storm. I love it so much.
I started noticing the little things more then I am used to. I feel in a way I have a second chance to look at life a little differently. I am so grateful for that.

So yes am still frustrated about diabetes and our situation but I am so grateful that we live in a time that we do and have the medicine available that we do. I am so glad that I have my 4 year old home to pester me and make me crazy.
From here on out I have decided to keep smiling and be grateful for what we do have not what could have been. It's not going to be easy what so ever but I know it is possible. I'm sure I will still have my moments when I cry and scream but hey I'm human right. I am officially a T1D parent and I am going to be the best I can be and be proud of it.

Slowly but surely

This was written on
February 26, 2015
Diabetes wow I'm still getting used to saying that. But over the last week it has become almost natural. Sweetie Pie is handling it so well, a heck of a lot better then her parents are for sure.
I think it is all starting to sink in for her she asks me every morning if she still has diabetes and every morning I say yes and remind her that the shots she gets every day are keeping her from getting sick like she was. It is a lot for a 4 year old to take it, it's a lot for an adult to take in.

She is looking so good and getting into everything and making me crazy just like a 4 year old should. Looking back I have seen signs that things were changing in her. I remember hearing all my friends say that their kids constantly ask why questions and they are always getting into things and being curious. I remember wondering why she didn't do that. Her doctor said this could have been coming on over the last 6 months to a year so in a way her body was so tired that she couldn't really act her age or develop into her age in a way. Now that she is feeling better her body is catching up with her mind. She can focus and she is curious and asking all kinds of questions. I love it.

We didn't realize how much she had changed until she started doing everything she used to. My husband came out of her room the other night and said he couldn't remember the last time he got a bear hug and she had just given him one.
The hard thing with all this is there were signs but even if they had tested for anything it wouldn't have shown up. That's the hard thing with diabetes is you don't know it's there until it is literally on top of you.
I still have a hard time....I hate that my 4 year old has to be used to shots....I hate that the thing keeping her alive are the shots...... I hate worrying about lows (which we have been dealing with) and highs and everything that can affect her blood sugar (seriously there needs to be an encyclopedia on just that topic)......I hate that my baby has to go through this I really just hate it all.

But..... I am also grateful that the shots are keeping her alive and that she is home with us....I am grateful that she is resilient enough to get used to the shots....I am grateful that we have doctors that can train us in what we need to know to keep her healthy.....I am grateful that even though diabetes sucks my baby can still live a full and normal life.

She impresses me like you wouldn't believe. In the middle of all this she told me she wanted some money so she could buy toys for the hospital she was at (primary children's medical center) so other kids can play with them like she did. How do you say no to that? She was going though so much and all she thought was how other kids like her might like toys when they are at the hospital. My husband and I don't have much money especially with doctor bills piling up now but we hated to say no.
I decided to open a boutique on facebook to sell things that we make. A portion of each item sold will be donated to the hospital to help other families like us (and maybe buy a toy or 2)
Our big thing at our house is being BRAVE. It takes a lot for a little 4 year old to get used to multiple shots a day so we need to be brave. She helped me design shirts and I am working on medical alert bracelets. Diabetes will not get us down. It will not win. I am bound and determined to make this as positive as I can for her.
You can check out our shop Sweet to Sassy Boutique HERE if you are interested in what we do.
These are some of the shirts we do. The horse is on the back of each one it makes me think of being strong. She loves sparkles so they are both glitter but they can all be custom made to say what ever you want.glitter or not. I wear my brave shirt a lot. I'm not always as brave as I need to be so it's a good reminder. She is such a good example and I'm trying my best to follow her lead. I am one lucky mom!!

 

Our new normal

I'm starting this blog as a mother of a child with T1D. So far it's the hardest thing I've ever had to do but I hear it gets a little easier so this is our journey with T1D

 Here is our story.

February 9th 2015 I took my 4 year old daughter to her doctor she had the flu about 2 weeks earlier and just never got better. She was tired and drinking a ton of water so we assumed she was just getting over the flu or maybe had hit a growth spurt. The Saturday before I took her to lunch and shopping. I noticed holding her hand that they seemed so boney she seemed so malnourished which I didn't understand because she was eating a ton. She wasn't loosing weight according to our bathroom scale but still something didn't seem right. Sunday we went to grandmas for dinner. She is usually up and playing with her cousin, running around the house as happy as can be. That night she wasn't she spent the whole time curled up on the couch completely exhausted. That was the last straw my husband and I decided there has to be something wrong because she just wasn't getting better, I got her into her doctor the next day.
My husband mentioned diabetes that morning, he said he kind of recognized some signs, we brushed it off because our healthy 4 year old would never get anything like that. Stuff like that happens to other people....not us.
On the way to the doctor I started thinking about what he had said I knew absolutely nothing about diabetes. We got to the parking lot and she just cried the whole time because she was to tired to walk. I was getting frustrated with her and flustered. By the time we made it to the office she had to go potty I was kind of thinking maybe a UTI so they took a sample. We got to the room and shortly after her doctor walked in he was white. He asked me her symptoms and what I had noticed. Then he said that glucose had shown up in the urine test and that she had juvenile diabetes (or type 1 diabetes) and needed to be rushed to primary childrens hospital ER . I WAS SO ANGRY. How could he tell that from one test? He hadn't taken any blood he hadn't even really looked at her. He said he was going to call the hospital and let them know we were coming. I called my husband crying and told him what the doctor said, the nurse over heard me and said that there should never ever be glucose in urine that the only time there is is with diabetes. It all started sinking in. My husband left work the doctor came in and said her sugar was greater than 700 and that we needed to leave now and that an endocrinologist was waiting for us. Normal range is 100-200 so this was a big deal (remember I didn't know anything about diabetes then) It was the longest 35 minute drive of my life I have never been so scared. We got to the ER and it was all a whirl wind from there. We were told her pancreas was failing and she needed insulin. We let the doctors do what they needed to as we were watching our very sick daughter play, her only worry in the world was getting the dress on her Barbie. They got her stable and was eventually able to be put on insulin. They moved us up to a different floor and checked us in to stay the night. They said it would be a long night and they were right. My baby girl had lost 3-4 pounds in a week she was weak because her body didn't have insulin and couldn't break down the food in a way she was starving to death. The whole time we thought it was the flu. She just layed in the hospital be and cry because she was so hungry and thirsty but at the time all she could have was ice chips. She was so small laying in a hospital bed covered in tubes and wires monitoring everything they could.

For those of you who don't really know about Type 1 Diabetes the pancreas stops producing insulin so it can't break down the sugar so the body stops getting the nutrience it needs.

That night was crazy we and nurses and doctors coming in every hour to test blood and sugar and cognitive ability and who knows what else. We knew she was out of danger and that she would get better but we also knew that diabetes wouldn't go away and our lives had just changed forever.

As parents we kept praying it was a bad dream we wanted to start over with our healthy little girl with no care in the world, not this...we didn't want this....we didn't ask for this...she doesn't deserve this....she is only 4....she is only 4. She was pretty out of it through the night. We watched Cinderella, I layed in the hospital bed holding her every time I closed my eyes the room was spinning I kept hearing, 700, ER, diabetes, never going a way, insulin, shots, tests. No way this can't be happening to our little girl but it was and there was lots to learn.

Tuesday we spent the day training and learning about how to take care of her with hopes that we could take her home that night. She was looking so much better after getting the insulin in her system. She was able to get off the IV and eat which she was thrilled about. We were devastated but it was time to take action and learn everything we can about T1D.
We learned carb counting and insulin ratios and snacks and bed time and everything in between. Diabetes is a very serious disease and can't be taken lightly everything has to be done correctly. The first insulin shot she got I had to turn a way but later that day Trent and I were practicing on each other so we could give it to her. We were so excited when they said we could take her home that night (we were very lucky) we just need to go back for more training and doctors appointments but we were ready to get her home.
It was all such a whirl wind our lives changed in a matter of 2 hours but the night we got her home we decided that diabetes was not going to control us it was just going to be apart of the new normal. We cried for a few days, we almost had to grieve in a way. Melodee is so strong and a week later the shots don't even bother her she is back to her normal self and eating like crazy which is awesome. She is even starting to understand sugar and insulin
With T1D she can eat what ever she wants it just needs to be with insulin. It doesn't go a way with diet or exercise. It is what it is and it isn't going away. She gets 4 to 5 shots a day and it's hard.
It sucks and it is SO hard but we will make it like everyone else. We were shocked like I am sure most parents are.
I didn't know anything about T1D a week ago and now I am learning something new every day. I am still sad. I remember walking through the store and a nice employee said how are you and I said fine thank you but in my head I was screaming "I'm terrible things are so hard how can you be so happy when my little girl is so sad" I am past that phase now and this is a start of a new week and our fresh start. There is life after and during diabetes and we plan to live it. We need to spread awareness, there are so many children going through this and they need all the help we can give them.
I'm not sure the exact point of this post but I just know I needed to put it our story out there. If you ever have any question that your child might being showing signs don't hesitate take them in even if it's just for your peace of mind.

So there might be more posts here about T1D but it is apart of our life and our life as parents and that is what this blog is about. I'm not going to sugar coat anything. Part of getting though this life is trials and raising strong children and that is exactly what I plan to do.